Scared of my Vacation

Well some of you might remember this picture from when I was cleaning the garage:



With the statement 'We've never been on a vacation that would require us to use this luggage.' Well my Sister-in-Law had a garage sale and I took it all over there and sold it.

And a week later my brother suggested that we all go to Hawaii for a week. Irony got a love it! Our family vacations have never been more that 3 days 2 nights camping somewhere, Ensenada, Rosarito, San Felipe, Hemet Lake, stuff like that.

First of all because I'm claustrophobic and I avoid Airports, Airplanes, crowded events like the plague. I have traveled by plane about once a year for the past couple of years, only because I had to because there was a Tradeshow that none of the other 'Cochenille' girls or owner could do, so I had to.

So the longest I've been on a plane is 3 hours, by the end of those 3 hours I was having a panic attack. I'm practicing control over those panic attacks I've been exposing my self to new situations that I know will cause them only to prepare for this little trip (that is reverse psychology) I know this is a big (bad word removed) trip.

Most people would be happy to go to Hawaii for 7 days, not have to pay for airfare and hotel (those were paid because there will be several days of Mom duty). My little sister and her family are coming also she'll take the other days of Mom duty.

To be honest I'm really scared!

This is to the robbers -- FYI we are leaving a house sitter behind and the Dog he's not vary stable so I wouldn't tempt him (it took me almost a month to find someone to say yes to take care of him):


But the one you need to be really scared of is the cat:



Because if the Dog is scared of the Cat - you should be to.

A hint of Red Neck

I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day - especially the Father's. Ours was a good one - not one of the better one's but not as bad as some!

Here is my husband doing what Father's do. My truck needed new brakes and my husband has always changed them, since his first suicide attempt in Aug of '06 he's never been as strong as he used to be. He is a million times better than he was in '06 but not half as good as he was before then.

Any who! He woke up and said "Today I'm going to change the brakes." In these last 4 years I've learned to not put him down or we start a down ward spiral - not good to go there. I said "Yes, Honey." I then walked in my daughters room and said follow him and don't let him out of your sight.

About an hour into it - she came in huffing and puffing and then I had to ask Michael to go 'stand by'. I'm not really sure what happened out there. but in the end the Canopy was up. Randy my husband was supervising. Michael was lending a hand, and Stephanie was doing the work.

I really would have loved to be the fly on the garage wall.





I'm glad my daughter is going to school to be an Engineer on a ship. She has spent her last semester in a dirty oily engine room on a ship - the brakes were no big deal!

Some sewing

I've learned that in order to stay sane I must sew, knit or craft! So I pulled out all of my Unfinished Projects and piled them all on my desk and started from the top.

My sister handed me a little dress that she just didn't want to let go of, but the baby's head didn't fit in the neck opening any more. So what do you do with a little dress that doesn't fit the little person's head any more?




You add a little zipper! Forgive the picture - there is a zipper there - I didn't realize the picture was so bad, and I've already returned the dress to it's owner.


Then there's my daughter and the fact that she has been saying over and over again - I don't have any long skirts for church - you need to make me some skirts - the long one's at the store are for old ladies! So I dug through a bag that had fabric from a recent trip to LA that got put away in the move in the plastic bag and never pulled out. And Stephanie scored! I made her this gathered skirt on a 3" waist band with a zipper on the side and 2 buttons.


I have enough fabric to make another - I've listed it on Etsy as a custom skirt - I only have enough fabric to make a skirt with the max waist of 34" and max length of 20".





Getting some of these projects off my desk really helps in bringing back the focus to Center!!

Finishing Day

I'm so glad that I had a finishing day. Since I moved in this house and have had all the room in the world. I have started project upon project upon project. I used to be the type of person to make sure I finished a project before starting another.

I finally hemmed my nieces little dress:


I've had this idea for a head band on my mind for almost a year and the pattern drafted and sitting there for almost that long:


I finally hemmed my husbands slacks:


I finished the bags that were started as a service project almost two months ago:

You can get directions on how to make this simple tote here.

I made my husband an apron before the actual holiday (that was a partial I still need to finalize the pattern to post for sale on Etsy):


And I finished and listed another knit bag on etsy:



So today was a day of Done, Done, Done and Done. Feels so good! I needed one of these days.

My Baby is 19!

I thought I wasn't going to get to have Stephanie home for her birthday, She was supposed to be on a ship exploring Asia right now. She changed her major and wasn't able to complete a class that she needed to make the cruise on the TS Golden Bear worth the time and expense. So she will go next summer.

I'm so lucky to be able to call my family and a couple of friends and give them a day's notice that there will be a party and they all show up.







The best part they all chipped in and Stephanie got her own camera. Which should mean that I don't have to keep going hunting for mine.






And better yet, she should have no excuse not to blog while she is away at college. DID YOU GET THAT STEPHANIE?

I have never been photographed so much:







The children decided they all wanted to learn to take pictures.

And then I realized that I was surrounded by all of my Nieces and Nephews plus my daughter. These are all of my Mom's Grandchildren. She wasn't feeling good so didn't come over. (she lives next door)


Yet after the party was over they all migrated to her house to say a quick hello, and not add to her Migraine.

Don't complain - It really can get worse.

Lesson learned - well maybe I'm sure that I will fall into that shameful idea of a pity party yet again in my life time.

It really doesn't matter how low you think you are - It really can get worse. And it will continue to get worse until the lesson is learned.

I am pleased to say 'Lesson learned'. Ask for help - Ask for help from those around you, But most of all ask for help for the Lord.

Job 1: 20-22

20 Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,
21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
22 In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

Now that is the lesson that I need to learn.

Job 2: 10
.....In all this did not Job sin with his lips.

I'm going to go find a big roll of tape!

If I am not focused it is of my own doing - If I am depressed it is of my own doing - If I don't get out of bed at 5 AM it is of my own doing - If I feel fat it is of my own doing!

If I continue in my own bad habits it is of my own doing!

ST. Luke 12: 48

. . .For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.



I have been given MUCH!

Total lack of focus

I have come to the conclusion that I have reached a Total and complete lack of focus. I've never experienced this in my life.

I think I've got the blues again not sure if I've ever experienced being depressed for longer than a day or two. It is going on 2 months now that I just don't get out of bed until 7 or 8 am. I have been up at 5 am and out the door for a good long walk with the dog for 4 year now. Never missed a morning walk not one (unless I was out of town).



I forced myself to get out of bed today at 5 AM!!! It's not even time to start work (I start at 9:30) and I'm ready for a nap!

There are more than a couple of things that are unresolved in my mind that could be causing this!

First and foremost I'll be turning 40 in August. I'm not really sad that I am, I don't think of myself as old at 40, I did have an issue last summer with dealing with an empty nest before I was 40, but if you read the 'house is full' post - you know Empty Nest is no longer the problem - so I'm not sure what my issue is with turning 40. I'll need to take some time to figure it out.

Then there is my Mom it has been 7 months since she woke up one day and had no movement from the waist down. We now know it's MS. She is getting better. Between my little sister and I we care for her 24/7. We have gotten into a good routine. But she is only 62 years old. I'm scared that we can't keep up being able to care for her in her home. ---FYI --- Mom has stated time and time again "put your life on the internet, not mine!" well she has become my life or at least occupies many hours a day of my life. So if you don't tell her - she won't know. First she'll need to buy a computer, learn to use it, and then she'll need to learn English. She's been in the USA for 35 years and has started English classes at least 6 times in those many years but she finds the English language very hard to learn - so it hasn't been for lack of trying!

Also for the first time in my life, I'm not comfortable with my weight. I've never let my weight effect my self esteem. I'm 5' 6" and my heaviest has been 215 lbs. I'm currently around 200 lbs. I wasn't small in High School but I wouldn't have considered myself big, some would but it didn't bother me. I think this is going back to the turning 40 thing, I don't think I want to weigh 200 lbs at 40 years old.

There are many many more things on my mind - So if this blog is all over the place - It's because my life right now is all over the place. Now I'm off to work!!!